Yall know what bothers me sometimes? Its a relatively small thing, i guess. But it irks me just the same...I HATE when old white men wear thin ass button up shirts and have the NERVE not to wear a wife beater or t-shirt underneath. You know yo mama taught you better than that! I was walkin down the hall at work yesterday and this old white Steve Martin lookin boi turns the corner and all i see is flabbly skin and hairy nipples. It was so nasty i wanted to punch MYSELF in the face. And the thing is, is that i KNOW he knows better. And if he doesnt then his wife aint doin her damn job bc i'd kick my husbands ass twice if he even thought about walkin out the house like that.
The other thing i cant stand is when men (or women cuz it happens to them too)sweat through their shirts. I mean, i know that its over active sweat glands but damn! I know the doctor can prescribe somethin to keep that in check!
Oh! and another thing. If you sit in a small office please dont bring the plate that your Antie LooLoo made you from the fish fry on Sunday for lunch. After you warm it up, that shit STANKS. And then when i go to warm up my poppy seed muffin 20 minutes later, it tastes like Catfish and hot sauce. You better hope im not that hungry cuz i WILL punch you in the back of your head.
Let's see....what else? Cuz im havin fun, lol. Or maybe I'll leave it up to yall...this might be a regular thing if yall act right! Tell 'Em Why You Mad Thursdays!! I want Anger! Pissedoffedness! Hilarity! Shit I really just want some entertainment bc im bored as hell...
Annnnnnd action!
pink.
Showing posts with label dear people who piss me off. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dear people who piss me off. Show all posts
28 August 2008
17 June 2008
Dear random people who piss me off
Dear Dumb-bitch-who-tosses-her-change-on-the-counter,
If it wasnt for me being at work and needing my part time job being that the cost of gas is now 4.11....i would have whipped your immigrant ass. what the fux wrong wit you and why are you tossin your change on the cash wrap like im homeless?! THEN you had the nerve to look at me like IM the crazy one when i say: Dont throw no more change on that counter. you better be glad thats what i SAID cuz i really wanted to throw that body butter at your damn forehead. I am not your servant and you are not better than me. if i catch you in my store again and you wanna act like you dont remember what the hell i told you: it WILL get ugly, bitch. trust.
Dear Pentagon workers,
9-11 did happen. you know, when that plane flew into the building and killed thousands of people? yeah that. so ima need yall to get some pep in your step when an unscheduled alarm goes off in the building. no, you shouldnt finish that spreadsheet, or continue buttering your toast. And im pretty sure your dear old gramma will understand if you abrubtly end the conversation (she prolly wont remember anyway) due to an evacuation of the building. i understand that since 9-11 nothin has happened but that doesnt mean that you need to congregate in the halls to talk about tiger woods winning the stanley cup or whatever the hell he won bc 1. he will not share the money with you and 2. id like to keep my life and if you are in my way...I will do the Heisman on that ho. this is just for future reference of course.
Dear boss of mine,
you heard the alarm like i did. dont ask me why im takin my purse. i take my purse everywhere, and you know that. thats your business that you dont at least bring your keys when we evac...when this shit is for real dont as me for a ride home*...yadigg?!
ya gurl.
* my boss lives 2 miles away from me. and i dont care.
If it wasnt for me being at work and needing my part time job being that the cost of gas is now 4.11....i would have whipped your immigrant ass. what the fux wrong wit you and why are you tossin your change on the cash wrap like im homeless?! THEN you had the nerve to look at me like IM the crazy one when i say: Dont throw no more change on that counter. you better be glad thats what i SAID cuz i really wanted to throw that body butter at your damn forehead. I am not your servant and you are not better than me. if i catch you in my store again and you wanna act like you dont remember what the hell i told you: it WILL get ugly, bitch. trust.
Dear Pentagon workers,
9-11 did happen. you know, when that plane flew into the building and killed thousands of people? yeah that. so ima need yall to get some pep in your step when an unscheduled alarm goes off in the building. no, you shouldnt finish that spreadsheet, or continue buttering your toast. And im pretty sure your dear old gramma will understand if you abrubtly end the conversation (she prolly wont remember anyway) due to an evacuation of the building. i understand that since 9-11 nothin has happened but that doesnt mean that you need to congregate in the halls to talk about tiger woods winning the stanley cup or whatever the hell he won bc 1. he will not share the money with you and 2. id like to keep my life and if you are in my way...I will do the Heisman on that ho. this is just for future reference of course.
Dear boss of mine,
you heard the alarm like i did. dont ask me why im takin my purse. i take my purse everywhere, and you know that. thats your business that you dont at least bring your keys when we evac...when this shit is for real dont as me for a ride home*...yadigg?!
ya gurl.
* my boss lives 2 miles away from me. and i dont care.
03 June 2008
Dear random people who piss me off
Dear Neighbor,
It never fails. Every morning, evening, or midnight (depending on my schedule) you are sitting on your front porch smokin weed. Now dont get me wrong...everyone has their DOC...and i can get down wit the green goblin sometimes too...but your balcony is attached to the FRONT of the apartment!! I guess you missed the memo that the new neighbor 2 floors up from you is PG police. Or do you not care? Im am gonna assume you do since last night when i got off from work you asked if i could smell it....excuse me? Can i smell it? I caught a contact as i got out the car! Then, i dont know if you dropped the blunt....but at 130 am i wake up to the sound of the fire dept outside!! Red lights and all!! This and you, my freind, are ridiculous.
Dear Intern that sits next to me,
You arent fooling anyone. i know that you are a nosy bitch. you are too quiet over there. and dont think that i didnt notice that whenever i get on the phone you stop typing. I NOTICED. I usually dont speak to people that dont speak to me, but im gonna give you this little gem: When your heels lean waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay over to the left, its either 1. Time to retire them or 2. Stop buying your work shoes from Charlotte Russe. Im just sayin.
And last but not least:
Usher/neyo (no dear, this time)
Im sorry, ive held this in as loong as i could...but i just cant anymore. What is this garbage that you call Love in the Club/Bust it Baby? Now Neyo...ima get to you in a sEcond but Usher i got words for you right now brotha....what is that trash?! Are you really gonna try to get me to belive that you wanna make love to a stranger in the club? No, you wanna smash, dig in them guts or skeet skeet...but not make love. you dont even know her!! Im sorry maybe im takin this to literally...but after the masterpiece that was Confessions, you wait 7 years to put this crap out?! THEN you wanna follow it wit somethin that i guess you thought was real deep and meaningful like Movin Mountains? No. That was a hot ass mess of an idea...and thats all i have to say. Now neyo....WHAT THE HELL WAS YOU THINKIN?! bust it baby? really? so youre really just gonna sing the hook on that song like that? and here i was thinkin you were classy. you know, i stuck up for you when those pictures of you and ur backup dancer baby mama engagin in "oral activity" surfaced. i had ur back....and this is how you repay me?! you know these lil hoodrats bout to be runnin round wit this shit on their ringtone like its cute. ITS NOT! you oughta be slapped! RayJ could have done the hook and i wouldnt have been mad...i mean what else do you expect from him? But you, you disappoint me.
Thank you,
pink.
It never fails. Every morning, evening, or midnight (depending on my schedule) you are sitting on your front porch smokin weed. Now dont get me wrong...everyone has their DOC...and i can get down wit the green goblin sometimes too...but your balcony is attached to the FRONT of the apartment!! I guess you missed the memo that the new neighbor 2 floors up from you is PG police. Or do you not care? Im am gonna assume you do since last night when i got off from work you asked if i could smell it....excuse me? Can i smell it? I caught a contact as i got out the car! Then, i dont know if you dropped the blunt....but at 130 am i wake up to the sound of the fire dept outside!! Red lights and all!! This and you, my freind, are ridiculous.
Dear Intern that sits next to me,
You arent fooling anyone. i know that you are a nosy bitch. you are too quiet over there. and dont think that i didnt notice that whenever i get on the phone you stop typing. I NOTICED. I usually dont speak to people that dont speak to me, but im gonna give you this little gem: When your heels lean waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay over to the left, its either 1. Time to retire them or 2. Stop buying your work shoes from Charlotte Russe. Im just sayin.
And last but not least:
Usher/neyo (no dear, this time)
Im sorry, ive held this in as loong as i could...but i just cant anymore. What is this garbage that you call Love in the Club/Bust it Baby? Now Neyo...ima get to you in a sEcond but Usher i got words for you right now brotha....what is that trash?! Are you really gonna try to get me to belive that you wanna make love to a stranger in the club? No, you wanna smash, dig in them guts or skeet skeet...but not make love. you dont even know her!! Im sorry maybe im takin this to literally...but after the masterpiece that was Confessions, you wait 7 years to put this crap out?! THEN you wanna follow it wit somethin that i guess you thought was real deep and meaningful like Movin Mountains? No. That was a hot ass mess of an idea...and thats all i have to say. Now neyo....WHAT THE HELL WAS YOU THINKIN?! bust it baby? really? so youre really just gonna sing the hook on that song like that? and here i was thinkin you were classy. you know, i stuck up for you when those pictures of you and ur backup dancer baby mama engagin in "oral activity" surfaced. i had ur back....and this is how you repay me?! you know these lil hoodrats bout to be runnin round wit this shit on their ringtone like its cute. ITS NOT! you oughta be slapped! RayJ could have done the hook and i wouldnt have been mad...i mean what else do you expect from him? But you, you disappoint me.
Thank you,
pink.
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