Dear random people who piss me off

Dear Neighbor,

It never fails. Every morning, evening, or midnight (depending on my schedule) you are sitting on your front porch smokin weed. Now dont get me wrong...everyone has their DOC...and i can get down wit the green goblin sometimes too...but your balcony is attached to the FRONT of the apartment!! I guess you missed the memo that the new neighbor 2 floors up from you is PG police. Or do you not care? Im am gonna assume you do since last night when i got off from work you asked if i could smell it....excuse me? Can i smell it? I caught a contact as i got out the car! Then, i dont know if you dropped the blunt....but at 130 am i wake up to the sound of the fire dept outside!! Red lights and all!! This and you, my freind, are ridiculous.

Dear Intern that sits next to me,

You arent fooling anyone. i know that you are a nosy bitch. you are too quiet over there. and dont think that i didnt notice that whenever i get on the phone you stop typing. I NOTICED. I usually dont speak to people that dont speak to me, but im gonna give you this little gem: When your heels lean waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay over to the left, its either 1. Time to retire them or 2. Stop buying your work shoes from Charlotte Russe. Im just sayin.

And last but not least:

Usher/neyo (no dear, this time)

Im sorry, ive held this in as loong as i could...but i just cant anymore. What is this garbage that you call Love in the Club/Bust it Baby? Now Neyo...ima get to you in a sEcond but Usher i got words for you right now brotha....what is that trash?! Are you really gonna try to get me to belive that you wanna make love to a stranger in the club? No, you wanna smash, dig in them guts or skeet skeet...but not make love. you dont even know her!! Im sorry maybe im takin this to literally...but after the masterpiece that was Confessions, you wait 7 years to put this crap out?! THEN you wanna follow it wit somethin that i guess you thought was real deep and meaningful like Movin Mountains? No. That was a hot ass mess of an idea...and thats all i have to say. Now neyo....WHAT THE HELL WAS YOU THINKIN?! bust it baby? really? so youre really just gonna sing the hook on that song like that? and here i was thinkin you were classy. you know, i stuck up for you when those pictures of you and ur backup dancer baby mama engagin in "oral activity" surfaced. i had ur back....and this is how you repay me?! you know these lil hoodrats bout to be runnin round wit this shit on their ringtone like its cute. ITS NOT! you oughta be slapped! RayJ could have done the hook and i wouldnt have been mad...i mean what else do you expect from him? But you, you disappoint me.

Thank you,

pink.

WTF?

Okay, i said that to myself that i would refrain from postin while at work...but DAMN! I have to get this off my chest.

Can somebody please tell me why the old, overweight and ugly men that work in my office are sooooooooo interested in my biz? Everytime i come in or sit down or say somethin or say nothin or sneeze or cough or fart, they just gotta make a comment. There are 2 in particular: Booty-do (i know this name is usually reserved for females, however, this name fits him) and Mr. Howard ( no, that is not his last name...he went there once upon a time and still be sweatin it). They always have somethin to say. And its always about my personal life...key word in that statement is personal...as in..."THAT DONT HAVE SHIT TO DO WIT YOUR ASS". Today it was Booty-do that pissed me off (Mr. Howard aint here today). I walk in at like 8.15 (Im usually there by like 8) and this fool gon say, "Mmmmhm. Why you late? You was out gettin your freak on last night huh?" What the fuck about what time i come in is your bizniz? Can you tell me that? Huh? Cuz last time i checked, I didnt work for you? and secondly when and who i get my freak on wit should be of no damn interest of yours bein that your stupid ass daughter (she really is yall...she thought her engine was actin up cuz her car was makin noise...turns out her speakers were busted...LMAO!) graduated from high school the same year I did! Would you like it if some grown ass man was all up in her sex life? Hell to the naw! So stay ya fat monkey ass outta mine. Anyway, I rolled my eyes, told him to mind his fuckin bizniz (yes i said 'fuckin'), swiveled my ergonomic chair around and logged into my computer. But do you think he stopped there? Oh no. He continues on about how when he was in the navy (do i look or act like i give a fuck?), they used to have wild nights out on the town so he knows how 'you 21 year olds' get down. All the while he is lookin at me over his glasses (you know the look) and lickin his lips in what i assume was supposed to be a suggestive manner. I made the 'eww' face and decided it was time for me to go get breakfast before i threw up on an empty stomach.

Mr. Howard is just as bad, commentin on who im supposedly 'shackin up' (those are his exact words) with. Just like i got nasty wit Booty-Do, i have told MH that for his inforDAMNmation, I aint shackin up wit nobody and that i pay my own damn bills, however when he took that responsibilty off of my hands, i would have no problem with him bein concerned about the amount of people residing with me. Until then...stay the fuck out my shit!

Im sorry for the rant...but i feel better and i think ill go get 3 sugar cookies and a vanilla milkshake now....